Stasis

The term stasis (from Greek στάσις "standing still") may refer to:

A state of stability, in which all forces are equal and opposing, therefore they cancel out each other. 

Stasis (political history), as defined by Thucydides as a set of symptoms indicating an internal disturbance in both individuals and states 

Stasis (biology), a period of little or no evolutionary change in a species in the punctuated equilibrium model of evolutionary biology 

Stasis (fiction) implies, especially in science-fiction, an artificial pause that stops all physical and chemical processes, including those of life; they resume as if uninterrupted as soon as the stasis is ended.

It has been a week filled with thoughts of "what-might-have-been".

I still remember our first day back home, a week before today, when Gayatri was afraid to go into the bedroom and afraid to lie down on the bed.

That is how it has been in a way. We've come back to a house that hasn't changed during the 5 days that we were in hospital and yet every single thing about it seems different. Everything around us is a reminder of what isn't...

We've a king-size bed that is empty in the middle, baby photo albums that aren't yet going to be filled, a framed poem which cannot yet be read to anyone, several packs of infant diapers, numerous boxes of wet wipes, a little stuffed penguin that has to wait awhile before being someone's companion, a cap knit by the grandmother that will need to be stored for later, an orange welcoming blanket that made its way back home to Chennai and a bag-full of clothes that I'm terrified that we'll incidentally come across on a day when we think we're over this.

Each one of those things could have been so different.

In a way, we feel like fish in a pond full of anglers who are ready to practice catch-and-release. Every phone call, every thing we see feels like a fish hook ready to yank us out of water for a little while, before releasing us back in. It is hard to speak to people outside of your family on the phone as you're not sure what they're about to say and at least in the beginning, I'm just hoping that the little fish escapes the hook-infested waters.

It is even harder to listen to people commiserate with you face to face.

"There must have been a good reason..."

"Everything happens for the best..."

"It shouldn't have happened like this..."

How does one respond to that? I do not know and frequently I say nothing. I don't know if that makes me seem indifferent but what can I say?

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Over the past week, we've received e-mails, messages, phone calls and visits from people we love. Even the shortest messages from among them has wished us love and strength and assured us our presence in their prayers.

Some of these wishes have brought us to tears, some have made us smile, some have given us strength but every single one of them has made us feel lucky that we have a wonderful family and that we have a lot of love.

Thank you.